We are two days away from Super Bowl Sunday, the highest of high holy days on the sporting calendar.  This is Easter, Eid, and Yom Kippur all wrapped up into one for even the most casual of sports fans, as across the country the devout and the lapsed sports junkies will gather in living rooms around cocktail weenies and nachos to watch the Indianapolis Colts and the New Orleans Saints vie for the title of best team ever (well, at least for this year). The two weeks between the conference championship games and the Super Bowl traditionally leads to a whole lot of bloviation by the sports media in an attempt to hype up a game that, in all seriousness, really needs no hyping.  Everybody watches this game.  Super Bowl Sunday has become a national holiday on par with the Fourth of July, so much so that if the NFL ever decided to move this game to a weekday, bosses would be forced to give their employees the day off.  So this year it’s Saints vs. Colts or, as the media has chosen to sell this game, a city whose buildings but not its spirit was crushed by a devastating hurricane four and a half years ago, a spirit that is embodied by its love for its football team vs. Peyton Manning (above left). Here’s our Super Bowl preview.

1. The New Orleans Saints earned their way to Super Bowl XLIV (44) by defeating the Minnesota Vikings in a game that they, in all honesty, had no business winning.  The VIkings outplayed them for the entire game, but were done in by turnovers (especially one egregious interception by the aged Brett Favre), and the Saints won the game in overtime.  Now they are a five-point underdog against the Colts, which seems about right.  For the Saints to win, they will need to be close to unstoppable on offense, because their defense showed against the Vikings that, outside of the ability to force turnovers, they really are not that good.  The Saints will not when this game if they score less than 30 points on Sunday, and still may not win if they do.  Expect big days from quarterback Drew Brees (above right) and wide receiver Marques Colston.  

Super Bowl Party Cheat Sheet

Traditionally, at a Super Bowl party, you can keep your comments short and sweet, and still look like you know your football.  

The Saints will be in trouble if they get behind by more than a touchdown.  Teams don’t come back against Peyton Manning.  He just won’t allow it. Could you pass the corn chips?”

This is fairly self-explanatory, but the context is that many believe Peyton Manning is the greatest quarterback in the history of time, and Manning’s will alone will keep the Saints from coming back. It’s a specious argument, but one, if said with enough confidence, will make it look as if you have been watching football all of your life, instead of one day a year for the last 44 years.

2. The Indianapolis Colts should win this game because, as we said earlier, Peyton Manning is the son of former San Francisco 49ers quarterback and all around ass kicker Joe Montana and Jesus Christ.  The perfect football player.  Actually, he is the son of former New Orleans Saints quarterback Archie Manning, who is adored by the members of the sports media despite having a thoroughly mediocre career.  But the Colts do hail from the AFC, which has dominated the Super Bowl in recent years.  Our prediction: Colts 38, Saints 14.  

Well, that’s it for now.  Enjoy the holiday.